Today I’m telling you about a lot of recipes that totally flopped.
Hopefully, you guys have noticed that I try really hard to post a recipe every weekday for you guys. This means my kitchen is almost never clean, I’m usually up until 2 am editing photos and writing up my posts, food is all I ever think about, and Mikey’s co-workers get a lot of baked goods, haha. You know what else it means? Some serious recipe fails.
Lately, a lot of people have been asking me if I post everything I make. The short answer? No. I make a lot of things that turn out delicious but either I’m not in a place conducive to a food photo shoot, or I’m too exhausted and I just want to eat whatever it is. But, I also make a lot of things that turn out TERRIBLE. Seriously.
Uh, for instance the thing that prompted this post…
I thought I’d use some leftover pizza dough to make a Honeyed Fig and Pine Nut Focaccia bread to share with you guys. Sounds delicious, right? Yeah, maybe if it turned out soft and fluffy like focaccia should… You see, I thought I’d turn the oven to warm, then turn it off, put the dough in to allow it to rise a bit and take the chill of from the fridge, and crack the door. The problem? I didn’t turn off the oven. I also didn’t open the oven door. The dough got a nice pre bake at 170F and then another bake at 400F. What I was left with was a hard, tough, cracker-like thing. The flavors were great…the base was inedible.
Let’s look at a few other of my failed attempts at making something delicious, shall we?
This is one of those things that I know can be delicious, because I’ve had them before—a Bluffernutter sandwich. Bacon + Marshmallow Fluff + Peanut Butter all on a sandwich together. Sounds totally weird, but I promise it can be really good! The issue here was that I used old bacon and it tasted…bad. I also burned it. Plus, this is maybe the least photogenic thing, ever.
My love for sriracha maybe went too far here—Sriracha Ice Cream. This tasted garlicky and just plain weird. I couldn’t even bring myself to eat a full spoonful. Because I’m crazy, I’m dead set on making a successful version. I decided this one failed due to the fact that I made it vegan and used coconut sugar, and it could be delicious with cream and white sugar. This probably isn’t true.
This random bowl of salmon, rice noodles, pork belly, and dashi wasn’t exactly a full-on “fail,” it just somehow lacked flavor despite the fact it had a ton of rich ingredients. Honestly, it almost tasted like nothing. How is that possible?!
I tried to make a vegan (chocolate peanut butter) version of my cookies n’ milk cups, and it went horribly awry. The cookie portion turned out great, but the panna cotta was so bad that I didn’t even get any photos before they hit the trash can. I swapped the cream and milk for almond milk, and the gelatin for agar agar. It came out disgustingly firm.
I was so sure these rice crispy treats with puffed millet, mini chocolate chips, peanut butter, and homemade marshmallow would work, and turn out gooey and stretchy, but they came out ultra soggy and all-around nasty.
I also have a lot of things that I intend to post, and then something is amiss in the either the photo shoot or recipe write-up portion…
This Apple-Cinnamon Granola with pecans and home-dehydrated apples was actually an amazing success. But I went ahead and lost the recipe because I’m an idiot, so I could never share it with you.
Similar thing happened with this Skirt Steak and Asian Noodle dish…so so good, and possibly even better the next day as tacos, but the way I wrote the recipe down made zero sense to me when I tried to type it up. It was just a bunch of numbers and abbreviations. For what? I’ll never know. :'(
This Spring Veggie Goat Cheese Dip was so freaking good. But there was no SD card in the camera I used to shoot photos of it with, and I only noticed after it was completely consumed. This terrible iPhone photo is all the evidence that is left…(but you can totally find the recipe I based mine off of here).
So yes, as you can now see, though I may appear to know what I’m doing, half the time I really don’t, haha! And this is only the stuff that I somehow got a picture or two of!
Do you guys like this kind of post? Or should I stick to posting stuff that is actually successful?